From nervous pregnant newbie to blooming confident goddess

By Stacey Holmes

Planning a natural pregnancy has helped me grow into the woman I always wanted to be. I have grown from a nervous pregnant newbie into a blooming confident goddess

This may sound like a hugely over-exaggerated statement, but it does describe my journey to date to a tee.

I’m 28 years old now and have struggled my whole life with my femininity; I was tomboyish from the start, happier with trees and mud than glitter and cup-cakes!
In fact I didn’t even want children until I was about 24, I was adamant it was not the path I was on. Still unsure I misguidedly gave myself a time limit and said “if I don’t have any by the age of 30 I’m not going to start”, I can see this now as a kind of get out clause; a sort of “oh dear it’s too late, never mind I guess I’ll never know if I would have been a good mother”. I covered up my fear of motherhood so much I didn’t even know it was there myself.

By the age of 26 I was quite sure I wanted to be a mother so when I met my partner we decided quickly it was what we both wanted, I told him I would give up my dream of studying Yoga in India only if we could start a family. I still had that foolishly self imposed time limit in my mind!

I’m now 35 weeks pregnant and very happy with my decision. I knew from the start I wanted a natural birth but was unprepared for the hugely different interpretations of that phrase. To me natural birth meant at home and without drugs, but it also meant natural pregnancy too. From speaking to others, both medical professionals and mothers, it can mean any kind of vaginal birth, i.e. not a caesarean section, or a birth with only limited pain relief or one performed barefoot in the woods with only mother nature as your attendant! I realised I was going to have to do some research and find out exactly what kind of natural birth I wanted  or was  achievable by me.

As a regular practitioner of Yoga it seemed obvious that I would look first to the Yoga community for advice, and what a gem of advice I found! I found a book which claimed to be everything I was looking for to guide me through this massive emotional transition from albeit boyish girlhood into full womanliness.

Mother as First Guru was written by Swami Guruprem Saraswati and has been invaluable to me through out both this pregnancy and my previous one that unfortunately ended abruptly at just 10 short weeks. Swami Guruprem Saraswati has given birth to 6 children herself and shares some of her most intimate feelings with the reader as she tells her own story of personal growth and development. The book guides you through conception, pregnancy, birth and motherhood from a Tantric Yoga perspective and to me it has been one of those magical books that always manages to answer my questions as they arise. In the book Guruprem talks about the “cascade of intervention” that many women experience as the medical profession tries to take control of their pregnancy and birth. Fortunately for me this cascade of intervention seemed to work in the opposite direction; soon after discovering this book I was made aware of Hypno-birthing, then inspired to have a water birth. I felt like I was being swept along gently in the direction I wanted to go anyway.

It hasn’t all been plain sailing; there was a whole week about half way through my pregnancy when I just cried. I sobbed and sobbed for hours on end and had to look really deep inside myself for a reason. Normally I meditate in this situation but even this was impossible as my sobs would just get stronger! I finally realized I was terrified of giving birth because the crying would always start if I thought about any aspect of birthing. It was miraculously the week after this that I saw an advert on my local Freecycle group for a free information evening about a local Hypno-birthing class. I was already listening to a Hypno-birthing CD occasionally but thought I would take a look and see what attending some classes could offer me. One of the things it claimed to do was eliminate any fear of birthing, perfect I thought, this is definitely for me!

The Hypno-birthing course explained why I might be fearful of birth by covering the recent history of birthing in Western culture. As more women were giving birth in hospitals towards the end of the 19th century there was much more chance of infection due to poor hygiene on the wards. So fear of dying in childbirth was introduced. Midwives were also taken over by the male dominated medical profession and birthing became a medical event, moving ever further away from the beautiful spiritual occasion it is meant to be for mother, father and baby.

From a young age, women are fed the idea that labour is going to be the most painful thing we will ever experience and that we will need lots of medical help. I was never able to grasp the idea that the female body was not really designed properly to birth our own young. Why would I grow a baby too big to birth? Early on in my pregnancy I found myself in tears feeling like I was battling against a system of protocol just to be allowed to deliver my placenta without an injection of Syntometrine. Again I couldn’t understand where this opinion came from that women would not be able to naturally complete the birthing process. Being part of the Hypno-birthing group, and all sharing this disillusionment with common medical practices has built my confidence to a point where I feel able to discuss my wishes with my midwife calmly and concisely.

With my residual western mindset; which tries to overcome fear by rationalisation, I thought perhaps I should attend the NHS Parent Craft classes in addition to my own birth preparation. Once again I was flabbergasted by the difference in both the attitude to birth and the information offered between my Hypno-birthing class and the NHS classes.

The main focus of Parent Craft was how painful labour was going to be and how helpless my partner would feel. There was only a few minutes dedicated to birth plans and what my preferences as the mother were for the path my birthing should take. The attitude of the midwife was, “WE will do this then WE will do this”, as if I would not really be involved except as some kind of spectator. My partner even less so. The Midwife even said at one point “you can write what you like in your birth plan but it will all go out the window on the day”. This statement really upset me and each time I walked out of those sessions I felt more nervous than when I went in. One of the prevailing memories I have from those classes is the face of the demonstration doll. All I can say is I sincerely hope my baby doesn’t enter the world in that much distress. I feel so grateful for the confidence Hypno-birthing has given me.

In contrast, when in Hypno-birthing class I feel more excited about the birth of my baby each time we learn something new or discuss a new aspect of parenthood.

As the name Hypno-birthing suggests, we learn how to use self hypnosis to help our bodies reach a deeply relaxed state. More than that, we learn about the physiological processes that the muscles go through during the different stages of labour and birthing. By knowing what is actually happening to my uterus muscles I am less likely to interpret those sensations as pain. We are also taught lots of positive visualisations of both the muscles relaxing and allowing our babies to pass comfortably into the world and of how we see our perfect birthing experience as a family.

I have been given a CD with positive affirmations which I listen to daily. This works on the principles of Neural Linguistic Programming (NLP), basically it means if you hear or say something enough it will become true.  Phrases such as “I look forward to birthing my baby with joy and ecstasy”, and “every surge of my body brings my baby closer to me”, have become an integral part of how I look towards my birthing day.

I have a badge which I wear with pride; it reads “Only happy birthing stories please, my baby is listening.”

At the beginning of class we were all asked to write 5 words we associate with birth, in the latest session we were asked to repeat this exercise. This is what I wrote;

 
1st session                  4th session
Daunting                        Amazing
Amazing                         Euphoric
Changes                        Feminine
Beginning                       Exciting
Difficult                            Natural
 
 
Every one in the class had totally changed the words they had used to describe what birth meant to them, it was a great moment when we read them out to each other. Although my first list was not particularly negative I can really see a change in myself and I’m definitely moving in the direction I want to be. I believe this is down to the Hypnobirthing and the special Yoga practices and insights I have received from Mother as First Guru.

The techniques I have learnt are not new, they are in fact very old, and any one who has ever seen an animal give birth can tell you that the mother seems to be deeply relaxed throughout. The reasons for using the Hypno-birthing method just seem to make sense, it seems natural, which is exactly what I set out to achieve. I feel the most comfortable in my body as I ever have my whole life; I’m wearing my bump with pride.

Of course I can say all I like about this technique I have learnt but as yet I have not actually used it to give birth. However I can say with absolute confidence that I am looking forward to the birth of my baby and that I have total faith in my body and my baby to birth successfully.

I would like to thank Tamara and Fiona from Birtheasy.co.uk for helping my partner, my baby and I look forward to this amazing event and giving us all the tools we need to achieve the birth we want.