It’s February and we should make it the month of self-love, but how good are we at loving ourselves? In most cases, we talk about it, try and practice self-care, but we often don’t really love and value ourselves. I invited several experts coaches and authors to share their view on self-love, and scroll down to see your opportunity to take part in a self-love and meditation mash-up challenge at www.thesoberclub.com
Jo De Rosa founder and director or Inner Guidance says…
Our natural state is one of love, for the heart doesn’t actually know how not to love. However, in western society we are taught to self-harm through substances, unhealthy relationships, and jobs that do not light us up.
When there is self-love
There cannot be self-harm
‘When there is one, there cannot be the other and each moment is an opportunity for either. So, we are choosing every second the outcome that we believe is of most benefit in that moment. This is one of the biggest revolutions the western world is undergoing right now, in my opinion, as we begin to fundamentally change the way we view ourselves. For we have been taught up until this moment in time that ‘loving yourself’ means that you are over-confident, cocky and arrogant. We have been trained to NOT love ourselves and to put everyone else BEFORE ourselves, otherwise we are selfish, apart from when we get on a plane and are told to put the oxygen mask on ourselves FIRST before even the very young.
We have even coined a new term for this; rather than ‘loving yourself’, in the new age, we ‘self-love’.
See what we did? We changed the two words around! Because the connotation of ‘loving yourself’ holds so much negative conditioning, whereas ‘self-love’ means something totally different. We are in a new age for sure, one where we are ALLOWED and encouraged to look after ourselves, where we KNOW that we cannot give from an empty pot, and we have so much MORE to offer when we are fulfilled first ourselves’ Jo De Rosa .
Self-love is natural and we’re created lovable. Yet most of us have learned not to like ourselves or think that our being loved is conditional on us behaving in prescribed ways. Some of us have even learned to believe that we are sinful are worthy of being hatred rather than being loved. Undoing self-judgement is, in my experience, one of the biggest jobs many of us have to do. Find people who are able to enjoy you for who you are not just what you do for them. Validate to yourself that you are loveable, right now. It’s a process of recovery. Developing the habit of treating yourself more kindly will you lead to liking and even loving yourself.
Nick Williams, author of 18 books www.iamnickwilliams.com
Self love
Loving yourself is one of the hardest things to do. Often the feeling that we are an imposter gets in the way of self-love. We feel that one day soon we will be found out for who we truly are: not a nice person, not a clever person. It’s estimated that 70% of people feel like an imposter at least some of the time. Maya Angelou has written: “I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘Uh-oh, they’re going to find [me] out now.” But stop. If you feel you’re an imposter and people don’t know, it means you are very good at one thing – being an imposter. Love yourself for that at least.
Jane Thurnell-Read
Sometimes when I wake in the morning I say “today is going to be about practicing loving kindness, and it begins with myself!”. There are several ways I do that:
- It starts with deciding what to wear, what clothes makes me feel good about myself and most importantly – what clothes are comfortable.
- I then drink a glass of warm water and a green tea and delay my breakfast till I really feel ready to eat; this may be as late at 10.30, ideally after my Nia fitness class.
- Back home I make a delicious smoothie or juice packed with nutrients and superfoods, to give my body an easy-to-digest immune boosting meal.
- As I move through my day I listen to my body, making choices about how I am walking, sitting, getting in and out of the car. I bring awareness to how my body feels, somatic awareness. I ask myself “am I walking too fast, pushing myself, rushing, being unkind?” Then I slow down and adapt what I am doing so that it feels good. Nia has taught me to let the sensation of pleasure be my guide, even with activities as mundane as loading the dishwasher!
Michele Kaye, author of ‘Eat Dance Shine’
Health and Wellness Coach
www.michelekaye.com
Self Love with the Angels
Self love is so important. The Oxford Dictionary definition is the feeling that your own happiness and wishes are important. We all have a guardian angel, and they absolutely love you to look after you, the more you look after your own happiness, health and wellbeing, the easier it is to be kind and loving to others too. It has that positive ricochet effect of a pebble creating ripples on a beautiful calm lake.
The angels tip on how to embrace self love is to make it a daily thing, incorporate it into your daily lifestyle, not something you look forward to once a week or year. Make every day count and create a mini morning routine for you before breakfast.
1: ask your guardian angel to be with you for guidance and positivity, smile
2: Meditate for a minute or two, lie down or sit and close your eyes. Relax and take 10 breaths in and out. Breathe in through your nose, as you exhale through your mouth relax.
3: Pick a positive affirmation card and angel card daily, read what it says and then think or write down what it means to you.
To go more in depth on your self-love journey, you can get tips galore in my new book I Talk to Angels, out on the 29th February.
Beverley Densham
Author of I Talk to Angels
Sophie Jewry
Coaching, speaking & more @ www.sophiejewry.com
Thoughts on Self-Love
Forget baths, candles and massages. The greatest act of self-care is building a life you don’t want to escape from.
Notice over the coming days the times when you want to check out. What is making you miserable? Your family, job, relationships? Noticing is the first step. If you have habits you lean on when you want to check out – picking up your phone, and scrolling, opening the fridge for chocolate, that kind of thing – when you feel the urge, ask yourself what you’re checking out from.
A life of true self-worth is one where you are honouring yourself on every level, where your actions match up with your heart’s desires…
– love for yourself and your body.
– honouring yourself in your interactions with others, setting boundaries, saying no, and gracefully receiving.
– alignment with your values, purpose and ethics in terms of your behaviour. For this you need clarity about what matters to you, so that your actions can match up. If you care about the planet, what are you doing about it? If you care about politics, what are you doing about it?
What lies waiting for you when your life is run like this? Total self-respect, self-belief, happiness, fulfilment, confidence and clarity of direction. Now that is true self-love.
Harriet Waley-Cohen
Leadership & Health Coach
Join in our seven-day Self-Love Challenge (with a meditation mash-up). It starts on February 7th and ends on Valentine’s Day, and it includes a whole host of resources from guided meditations, courtesy of Jo De Rosa, meditation teacher Rachael Welford, and an exclusive audio interview on Mirror work with ‘Heal Your Life’ coach Fiona Drake, plus inspirational quotes and blog posts to inspire you to introduce self-love, mindfulness and meditation into your life, you only need to commit to fifteen minutes daily. The Self-Love Challenge is free to members of The Sober Club – Join Here https://www.thesoberclub.com/join-the-club/
Don’t forget our club is not just for those ditching the booze, the focus is on being your best self, and we have masses of content around nutrition, fitness, self-care and finding your purpose.